In order to understand what the Bible says about martial rape, we first must understand what the Bible says about marriage itself. Identifying the elements that make up a Godly marriage, one that is sanctified by God, is crucial to a successful marriage. Another important thing to understand is that the sacred institution of marriage according to the Bible, has almost become non-existent in the Western world. It may be difficult to accept what the bible says about marital rape. I am confident that as this post lays out the makings of a biblical marriage, many of you will be up in arms because it is so far from what society has taught us about marital rape. That being said, the goal of Amos Ministries is to bring about a restoration of true biblical teachings.
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Let’s begin with clarifying that this post is in no way, condoning rape of any kind. Rape is a form of violence. The definition of rape is nonconsentual sex, and any sort of violence, like rape, is absolutely wrong and not biblical. So what does the bible say about marital rape? Well, the concept of marital rape is not found in the Bible. Why is that? It’s because in a biblical marriage, due to their love for God, both husbands and wives agree to adhere to a specific set of standards, found in the Bible. Don’t miss our upcoming series on marriage. Sign up to be notified.
In a biblical marriage, both husband and wife first and foremost agree to follow God implicitly, yet in their own individual and distinct capacities as husbands and wives, respectively (as outlined in the Bible). Both parties agree to die to their own wants, desires and expectations. The wife agrees to die to her own self and strive to uphold the standards and expectations of her husband. Similarly, the husband agrees to die to his own self and strives to uphold the standards, expectations of his “husband”, Jesus. The standards that both husband and wife are upholding are not their own. As they operate and uphold the standards of God together; the wife as she submits to her husband, and the husband as he submits to Jesus, they form one spirit through the Holy Spirit, and the two shall become one.
God instituted a hierarchy system within the Godly marriage in order to maintain peace and so that there is no confusion between husband and wife. When this hierarchy is upheld and honored, the marriage union is kept holy and sanctified. The blueprint for a Godly marriage can be found in:
1 Corinthians 11:3 – But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
When it comes to sex, the Bible clearly states how husbands and wives should behave. In a Godly marriage, both husband and wife agree to adhere to the following standard when it comes to sex:
1 Corinthians 7:2-4 – But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
In a biblical marriage, the concept of marital rape does not exist. When both husband and wife agree to hold to the same standard and belief that their spouses have authority over each others bodies, there is no room to accuse one another of rape. When a Godly couple sees themselves as one, they understand that you cannot rape your own body. Sex is not seen in the way that pop culture and media portray it. Sex is not used as a form of control or manipulation. The idea of sex is not something that is used as a form of leverage. In a Godly marriage, sex is not burdensome or given selfishly. Sex in a biblical marriage does not become a bargaining tool or reward system for good behavior. In a biblical marriage, sex is something that is given priority. It is offered to your spouse freely with great initiative, enthusiasm and generosity!
A Godly wife makes the choice to relinquish authority of her body to her husband. The sexual health of your spouse becomes top concern. As the above scripture says, she ‘yields’ her own body over to her husband willfully. This is a decision she herself has made, out of a desire to be a Godly wife. It has nothing to do with the conduct of her husband. Her actions of submission to her husband is based on her love for God. As a result, there is no reason for a husband to force his wife to have sex. Rape within a Godly marriage holds no truth or bearing.
The bible encourages husbands to enjoy the wife of their youth and to be satisfied with her breasts.
Proverbs 5:18 – Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
The bible clearly states no spouse is meant to sexually deny the other. Anyone who believes that marital rape is a biblical concept and is grounds for a divorce, is not adhering to the standards of the Bible. The concept of marital rape must be taken out of the Christian marriage and it is in no way, a biblical grounds for divorce or prosecution.
A husband has his own journey. This does not involve being harsh or forcing his wife. If a husband is being harsh with this wife, this is something that he will have to answer for before God. As the Bible says, husbands are not to be harsh with their wives.
Colossians 3:19 – Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Ephesians 5:28 – In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Any form of violence including rape is a sin. That being said, wives who feel their husbands are being harsh with them, is not a biblical reason for divorce. It is obvious that a husband who is harsh with his wife is being disobedient to the word of God. The instructions for wives whose husbands are being disobedient to God’s word, remain clear:
1 Peter 3:1 – In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, so that, even if any are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without word by the conduct of the wives.
The Bible makes no exception that if a husband is disobedient to the word of God, a wife can divorce her husband. It does not become incumbent upon the wife to enforce any sort of disciplinary action against her husband. Her duties as a Godly wife, does not include judging her husband’s actions or decisions. On the contrary, she must remain in subjection to her husband and accept his authority.
Somehow, today’s Christian society has made women and wives exempt from following the teachings of Jesus. We must not align ourselves with the cultural and traditional norms of today’s society over the Bible’s teachings. History has proven that the laws of society are ever changing. In a moment, governments can introduce into law, the extinction of an entire human race. That doesn’t mean that we as Christians should uphold these kinds of laws. We must distinguish where the law of society interferes with God’s law and be unwilling to compromise. Society’s laws will continue to evolve but the Bible’s teachings remain the same and the bible does not allow a wife to separate/divorce her husband for any reason.
Romans 7:2 – For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him.
1 Corinthians 7:10 – To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
Mark 10:12 – And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
1 Corinthians 6:7 – The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?
Marriage is a vow that is made not between the husband and wife, but between the husband and God and between the wife and God, separately. It is a vow that only death can nullify. Many may feel that the laws of their country regarding rape apply and supercede what the Bible has outlined as a Godly marriage. The bible says all must uphold the marriage vow. That first and foremost includes the couple who are married! In marriage the two become one flesh, and so it is impossible to rape one’s self. Each spouse has authority over the other’s body, making it impossible to rape your spouse. In a Christian marriage spouses cannot deny eachother, making it impossible to have non-consentual sex which is rape.
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